a more pressing claim...

sunday night was our evening at church to share about our recent trip to kentucky.  i always love these nights, to remember how God worked and what He taught us... and then being able to share this with the people that sent us is so great.  each individual takes about a minute to share.  i decided (out of the many things i could have shared) to share about the sacrificial service that i saw throughout the week.  i saw this among our students, other individuals who served and then through the full time missionaries that work at the camp and mission.  whenever we have had the opportunity to visit missionaries that our church supports i am always blown away by their SACRIFICIAL service.  this is a constant challenged and something that i wanted to share with the church sunday night.  i shared that i was challenged to re-examine how i serve and to make sure that i am serving in a way that is truly sacrificial.

well, monday morning rolls around, i go into work (i.e. - walk across the parking lot :) and then later come home for lunch (back across the parking lot... so so great).  anyways, i'm home at lunch thinking about the coming year, how i will serve at church now that we won't be working with high school and i find myself being totally and way too protective of my life/time.  i was thinking over everything and wondering if i should just really back off... and then i caught myself... well, i'm sure it was more like the Holy Spirit catching me... how do i talk about being sacrificial in my service LAST NIGHT and now, less than 24 hours later, i'm being protective and selfish with my time.  do my words mean anything???

it definitely was a slap in the face and something that put me back on track.  it was one of those moments where God turned my thoughts around and back in the right direction.  today as i was thinking about this i decided to look up the word sacrifice in the dictionary.  i love words, the dictionary and really thinking about what things mean. :)  so anyways, one part of the definition reads like this:

sac-ri-fice:

the act of giving up, destroying, permitting injury to, or forgoing something valued for the sake of something having a MORE PRESSING CLAIM

so often i define sacrifice in regards to my service, just as whether or not i'm doing something.  this definition from good ol' webster's leads me to believe i have been defining the word a little incorrectly.  i can be so protective of my time (and i do think there is a place to be careful you are not doing too much, don't get me wrong, but i think it is more often that i tend to lean in the opposite direction) that i do not even come close to serving sacrificially.  we must "give up" our time to serve our God.  i love how it says too, to forgo something valued for something having a more pressing claim... yes, my time, my family, basically all God has given me is VERY VALUED but at the same time i must sacrifice all to follow and serve our Savior.  HE is most definitely a more pressing claim.  again, i say here we must not neglect our families and those that need to be loved by us... if we did so we would not be serving how God wants us to, but at the same time we must not protect too much that we are serving selfishly and only when we want to.  

i struggle with finding the right balance.  being married to a pastor DEFINITELY forces me to do this... God obviously knew my weaknesses and probably had a good chuckle putting me in this marriage with a pastor to challenge me to work on this specific weakness on a very regular basis... and often i fail.  often i have such a rotten attitude.  i wish my service and sacrifice were so much more than they are, that i would consider much more seriously that this is my offering to God... in the moment that i would respond with a sacrificial and selfless attitude.  i must rework my thinking, putting God above all that i pursue, making Him the pressing claim in my life... not to be replaced or overlooked by anything.  i want us to challenge each other with this.  not to be just "nice" friends and tell each other what we want to hear, but to really work on one another to serve as we have been called to serve, sacrificially and selflessly.  i know i need all the help and challenging i can get in this area... :)  i want these following verses to be evident in my life... i want to continue to understand more of what Jesus calls us to in His words...

"Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.  And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.  Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

Matthew 10:37-39

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."  

Romans 12:1

30 years young...

i have to tell you i'm kinda embracing this whole 30 years old thing! i know, i can't believe i've been around that long either (at this statement my father would roll his eyes...). and i do have to say there is a certain apprehension with the big jump to 30, but so far i'm loving it. i could list all the reasons why, but i won't cause that's just not the point (though i am super pumped about an exciting new camera i received from my family - watch out world, here i come to take your picture!)...

anyways, as i've decided already to love the 30's just as much as i have the 20's i also had this fantastic thought while washing the dishes today (man i wish i could put footnotes on this blog, i'm definitely a footnote person... anyways...). so i'm washing the dishes, my least favorite household chore that i want to turn into time with God (i.e. - my need for footnotes... one of my favorite inspiring people, brother lawrence, who purposed to spend time with God in the monotony of life such as when he was doing dishes). OH MY GOODNESS, too many side notes.

the point is, i had this great thought... nothing revolutionary here - the more birthdays, the older we get the less time until we get to see our Jesus. like i said, nothing new here, but it was definitely a moment that made me think we should embrace our birthdays with joy and celebration. i know there are downs to the whole getting old thing, but as much as we can we need to focus on the future, once again long for home in our birthdays... each year passed by and inching towards our time and future with our Savior. i've got 30 behind me and who knows how many more (my dear grandpa made it to 97!) but in each year that comes i want to learn to long and grow more to yearn for that time that we will spend with Jesus. so... let's celebrate!!!

moments of necessity

compassion:

sorrow for the sufferings or trouble of another or others,
accompanied by an urge to help

urge:
to press upon the attention; present or speak of earnestly and repeatedly;
plead, allege, or advocate strongly; to entreat or plead with;
ask, persuade, or solicit earnestly; press, exhort

urgency:
the quality or state of being urgent; need for action, haste, etc;
stress or pressure, as of necessity

pride and falling...

what a cabin and what a week! we spent our last trip with the high school students in beattyville, kentucky at sunshine camp, a ministry of kentucky mountain mission. the week was challenging, encouraging, uplifting... one of those that tugs at your heart. i felt that "lump in my throat" so many times throughout the week as i saw students care for individuals that need so much help. sunshine camp is a week of camp for individuals that have special needs. most of our students and leaders (including me) were counselors for the week... as a counselor you are assigned to one or two or even three(!) campers for the week. you are responsible to take care of them however they need it. our students did so great and i really did LOVE watching their hearts for God visibly displayed as they were compassionate and caring.

we have gone to sunshine camp two other times but never have i had the opportunity to be a counselor. it was so much fun to be able to be in this role this year. at the same time i really had a week where God challenged my pride and brought it to light in so many different ways. i went into the week with a nasty cold and was pretty worn out from our busy summer. nonetheless, i was ready to jump into the week, at least i told myself i was. so monday comes around, the students do great with their campers and i feel like i am doing such a horrible job with mine. she had some behavioral challenges and i felt like i was failing in every way to figure out how to work with her and help her enjoy camp... to get past those things, to get along, and to have fun... monday was a day of trying new things over and over and over again, to see what worked and to figure out how best to work with her. i kept seeing students and leaders alike, loving and enjoying their campers, doing such a great job, and again, i felt like i was failing at something others were doing great at... others that i should have been setting an example for...

i came to monday night worn out like i never expected. i don't know if it was so much the day but quite possibly a culmination of a full summer that made me feel so tired, physically and emotionally. as we were walking back to our cabin to review that evening's message, i realized that i was in charge of leading this time. however, during the message i had been so involved with trying to figure out how best to help janet (my camper) stay focused that i personally missed the message and all they were talking about. so i had this moment, walking back to the cabin where i just started crying. i felt like i wasn't doing what i should be able to do... what i need to do... what was wrong with me!? i don't do this... just lose it all of a sudden. i'm the leader here, why am i the one that is failing???

in those moments and in the ones to come, i was very humbled. i've never seen myself as a person that struggles with pride (which right there is my first problem!). i mean, i try hard not to be prideful or come across prideful, but for the most part it hasn't been a huge struggle in my life (another footnote... probably just because i hadn't chosen to or been forced to struggle). however, as i realized how much stock i put into being on top of things, keeping things together, being able to handle whatever comes my way on my own, to be a good leader in the group... i realized how much pride there was in my head and in my heart. i had to have help that night and i hated it. someone else had to lead the discussion time, while i brushed away tears that made me feel stupid every time they fell. i wasn't the shoulder for others, they gave me theirs and arms with hugs. i really felt cared for but at the same time i kept telling myself that this should be the other way around.

i had a moment that night where i was trying to get myself ready for the next four days. i thought to myself, "i'll show everyone that this was just a day and when i make it through the next four they'll see who i really am..." yuck. i hate that i had this thought. and i really hated it about a second after i thought it. what was i thinking??? I will make it? hadn't i been telling students to rely on God... to be sustained by him throughout the week? and here i was taking pride in the fact that i could be "self-sustaining".

moments like these where God reveals our ugliness are hard and defeating - something that was hard to take at the end of a long day. but at the same time trusting Him with the next four days (unsurprisingly) gave me much more confidence than resting in my own abilities (that had failed me that very day!). i do feel like even since we have been home this past week God has been bringing to light that pride isn't always just something that is visible on the outside, but definitely a disorder of our hearts and minds. i must not take pride in the things i am able to do or accomplish, even and especially in ministry. i am not the one who accomplishes anything in my life or ministry. over and over we MUST remind ourselves that God is the only reason we are able to move and breathe and accomplish anything!

i know this is getting long but as i read through proverbs it is crazy how often pride is talked about in relation to destruction and how much God hates it. proverbs 16:5 says "everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord..." not someone who is just egotistical in attitudes but someone who has pride in their heart (something that is not always visible to others)... even simply in their thoughts about themselves. i really do want to be a person of humility. may we all work to make sure that pride has no hold on us AT ALL!!! this week in kentucky was a start... but definitely just the beginning of a long journey in reworking my ideas about myself and God and how He is the only one that accomplishes anything through me. kentucky was a fantastic trip and i am so thankful for a week that challenged, blessed and taught.

"for i will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me..."
romans 15:18

moving along

"don't cry because it's over. smile because it happened."
dr. suess

another senior class moves on, we celebrate our 7th anniversary, shawn starts to move into a new position at church after working with youth since college... life goes by and often i feel like i have been left in the dust to catch up! so often, i am sad because things are over, people are gone, moments have moved by... but lately i have been challenged to simply enjoy now and live sacrificially, while still longing for our future home, for our God now...

very often i have the "grass is greener" mentality about time... for instance, "life was so easy as a child" or "i can't wait until we have a house" or "if only i could step back into this (insert awesome day)"... so i've just been pondering all of this... to not live for moments ahead, or wish i was still living in moments behind, but to open my eyes up to the moments that God has placed me in currently. to find joy and fulfillment in the moments He has given me and BLESSED me with right now. often i miss the blessing and the joy simply by being distracted by past moments... and the thing that catches me every time is when i really try to remember those moments i know that often even in those moments i wasn't always so content. i.e. - everyone remembers wanting to just grow up as a child! so as life moves on i want to move with it... but just that, to not miss only the joy and blessing, but the opportunity. to not live caught up in what i think i'm missing, but to live so that i don't miss what God has called me to NOW.

give water... give life...

We are super excited about being able to have this opportunity at our church... take a look... :)

myWaterProject - Bethel Community Church Fundraising Page

hagar and the "horrible"

i have been reading the story of Abraham the last few days. the story is familiar, yes, but this time Hagar's story is something that i have paid closer attention to... i think about Hagar and how she must have felt so cheated, so abandoned and definitely alone. we know the story, Abraham uses Hagar to have a son, because Sarah hadn't conceived a child yet. of course like any normal woman would respond, Sarah is quite upset when the plan actually works. Hagar leaves angry Sarah and goes into the wilderness. here God meets her and tells her to name her son Ishmael, meaning God hears. Hagar goes on to tell the Lord "you are a God of seeing". the two are out of the picture for several chapters and then a little later on come back onto the set. once again, Sarah is upset and tells Abraham that she wants them to leave. when God tells Abraham to do as Sarah said, he does and the two leave. while in the wilderness they run out of water, and once again God provides and tells Hagar that He will make Ishmael into a great nation. God was with them and took care of them, even in the midst of unimaginable circumstances.

i think about this story and i think about how God told Abraham to do what Sarah said she wanted... to get rid of Hagar, to send her away with her young son?! this seems crazy and yet i was reminded of awesome truth while i was reading through this today. i think, no, i know, that sometimes in life, it is really hard to figure out why things are happening. as believers, sometimes it is even harder knowing that God is in control of our lives and circumstances and yet these things are still taking place. things that hurt, things that seem like they would be the exact opposite of what a loving God would set us up with.... i think about Hagar and how her situation was really unbelievable. and then i see the provision of God behind it all and i wonder if i were reading my story thousands of years down the road how i would see the provision and hand of God behind it. i know it would be there... even in this story, attributes of God are proclaimed. He is a God who hears and a God who sees. our broken lives and the hurt that is a part of them is seen and heard by Almighty God. so why is it not all changed... and here i think is the golden nugget in all of this... the hope of God is found in these things... His provision is seen and given in these moments... what i mean by all of this is that we find hope not in what happens here but in what God is ultimately doing. to bring about what needed to be accomplished in Hagar's and Ishmael's lives these things had to happen. i am also reminded that my life is bigger than myself. you see for the promise of God to happen, for the covenant to be fulfilled through Abraham and Isaac these things had to happen. this is so key! my life is bigger than me. do i want God's purposes accomplished or not? this is really what it comes down to! do i trust my Savior or am i not quite sure about really being ok with His plans? will i stand and complain about the ways that God is accomplishing his purposes, for my life and possibly even bigger things than that?

i look at this story and i see a plan and a purpose brought about by our God in the midst of hard circumstances. hope is given in knowing that if i were reading my own story, God's hand and purposes would be overwhelming throughout it as well.