Friday, January 29, 2010

what do i want?

i just started reading "searching for God knows what" by donald miller. in the first chapter he discusses i guess you would say sometimes our obsession with books, even Christian books, self help books you could call them, that talk about "formulas" or ways that we can bring about the life that we desire to live in God... what we can do and how this is accomplished... he talks about life with God as something that is not a formula but instead relational. often i feel that i do such a poor job at communicating what i want to so i am just going to quote what he wrote... i felt like it was good and wanted to share it with you. do i desire the things that God can (or that i want him to) bring about in my life or do i desire God?

"To be honest, though, I don't know how much I like the idea of my spirituality being relational. I suppose I believe this is true, but the formulas seem much better than God because the formulas offer control; and God, well, He is like a person, and people, as we all know, are complicated. The trouble with people is they do not always do what you tell them to do. Try it with your kids or your spouse or strangers at the grocery store, and you will see what I mean. The formulas propose that is you do this and this and this, God will respond. When I was a kid I wanted a dolphin for the same reason.

"I remember watching that television show I dream of Jeannie when I was young, and I wondered at how great it would be to have a Jeannie of my own, who could blink a grilled-cheese sandwich out of thin air, all the while cleaning my room and doing my homework. I realize, of course, that is very silly and there is no such thing as a genie that lives in a lamp, but it makes me wonder if what we really want from the formulas are the wishes, not God. It makes me wonder if what we really want is control, not a relationship.

"Some would say formulas are how we interact with God, that going through motions and jumping through hoops are how a person acts out his spirituality. This method of interaction, however, seems odd to me, because if I want to hang out with my friend Tuck, I don't stomp my food three times, turn around, and say his name over and over like a mantra, lighting candles and getting myself in a certain mood. I just call him. In this way, formulas presuppose God is more a computer or a circus monkey than and intelligent Being. I realize that sounds harsh, but it is true."

the other part about this section of the book that i love is when he talks about whether or not what we really want is control or God. i know so often i want control. i want to know how to fix relationships, not feel left down when blank happens, and find joy and happiness in all that i do. books that provide answers for these always leave me wondering if there is more... and it might be encouraging for the moment and there are some great books out there that don't just offer formulas but instead truth of pursuing God... but i do want to desire Jesus. i don't want to desire a life free from difficulty and a life that i can fix if i just do this and this... and i know that doesn't even work... i feel like we've all tried it and so often we are left empty. i want to desire the person of Jesus, i want to desire God my Savior, more than what he can do for me and bring about in my life but instead him, as an individual that wants to know me too... and that in itself is a reason to work on this.

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